And love comes in at the eye;
That’s all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you, and I sigh.
-W. B. Yeats, "A Drinking Song"
A brief repose before my day of what I hope will be a lot of cleaning. After 20 years of life, I've come to terms with the fact that however much I might wish to be an organised person concerning my living space, that will never happen. Inevitably, the day after my straightening endeavor, my room/desk will once again be a train wreck. This is interesting as I am actually very organised when you look at my calender or my computer. I like to know things in advance and have my time/days organised, but my room? apparently an impossible feat. As such, I have lots to do before I leave here next week, and, as I am going away who-knows-where for the weekend with Michel, I should probably start that today.
I've also noticed that I've managed to accumulate a lot of things in this country in the past two-ish months, I know you're surprised. Not counting the things that will be staying here for when I come back (bike, tent, sleeping bag etc), I've definitely bought books and clothing type things, and Michel bought me a bunch of travel books (which will also be staying at the house) . Still, packing all this up is going to be a feat of epic proportions. At least moving from Avignon to Miramas will be able to serve as a trial run for the "Big Pack," if you will, in two and a half months, but I REALLY don't want to think about that or leaving just yet. Right now, I'm just looking forward to moving "home" (or the closest thing I have here) to Miramas and my family's arrival in a week.
It's hard to believe that the end of the official program is Tuesday. It's gone by so fast. I'm very fortunate to be staying the summer, because if not, I would be a whole pile of sad right now. I'm just not ready for it to be over. Yes, I miss everyone in the States and certain aspects of America, but I am not ready to leave here. I feel like I've just settled in, made my friends, and gotten a decent grip on being myself in a foreign language—I'm definitely not ready to give that up. Honestly, I'm even a little sad that this is my last weekend en Provence until the beginning of June. Being away for a whole month right now seems like an eternity. I'd really like to be here for the parties my friends are going to have and the stuff they're going to do while I'm gone. It's a bizarre feeling because the next time I leave here, it will be for two years (or less, if I come visit soon like I hope).
I think, for me, the worst part of this trip and the best part are the same, honestly: I've fallen in love with France, a bit. I was really hoping this wouldn't be the case. Coming here and not being very impressed or not really assimilating into the culture over here would have made my life so much easier. As it is, I really do love my life over here (and in the US too). I've gotten close to my family, made some good friends, almost met someone who would have been important in another fashion, found things I love about the culture here etc. This is great, really, but the problem from now on, I feel, is that I'm always going to be missing something. Here, I miss my family in the States, my amazing friends, Athens, Chipotle, take-away coffee, mexican food, 4-way stops, turning right on red, the stores and products I'm familiar with, knowing the customs, easy communication, and the dollar. When I come home, I'm going to miss my family here (especially my cousin), my new friends here, the bread, pain au chocolate, wine, cheese, three hour meals, speaking French all the time, driving to new places all the time, the pace of life, etc. It sounds like a trivial problem, probably, but I feel like it's definitely going to be a dilemma in the years to come.
Anyways, that is currently on the list (with my departure) of things I don't currently want to think about. Right now, we're all just trying to live in the moment and enjoy what time we have left. A lot like what we're supposed to do with life in general.
And now, time to attack the pit that is my bedroom. Good to know that some things never change.
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